[Intro]
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A | Bm7 | A | D | B7 | E7 | A
D | A | Bm7 | A | D | B7 | E7
A | Bm7 | A | D | D7 | G
E7 | D | B7 | E7 | A
D | A | Bm7 | A
[Verse 1]
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D B7
This song is called Alice's Restaurant
E7 A
It's about Alice
D A Bm7 A D
And a restaurant
B7 E7 A Bm7
But Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant
A D
That's just the name of the song
D7 G E7
And that's why I call the song Alice's Restaurant
D | B7 | E7 | A | D | A | Bm7 | A
[Verse 2]
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D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
D B7 E7 A Bm7 A
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
D D7
Walk right in it's around the back
G E7
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A
And you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
[Verse 3]
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D B7
Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago
E7 A D A
Was on, two years ago on Thanksgiving
Bm7 A D B7
When my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant
E7 A Bm7
But, Alice doesn't live in the restaurant
A D D7 G
She lives in the church nearby the restaurant in the bell tower
E7
With her husband Ray, and Fasha the dog
D B7 E7 A
And livin' in the bell tower like that they got a lot of room downstairs
D A Bm7 A
Where the pews used to be, and
D
Havin' all that room
B7
Seein' as how they took out all the pews
E7 A D A Bm7 A
They decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage
D
For a long time
B7 E7
We got up there we found all the garbage in there
A Bm7 A D
And we decided it'd be a friendly gesture
D7 G
For us to take the garbage down to the city dump
[Verse 4]
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E7 D
So we took the half a ton of garbage
B7
Put it in the back of a red VW microbus
E7 A D A Bm7
Took shovels and rakes, and implements of destruction
A D B7
And headed on toward the city dump
E7 A D A
Well we got there
Bm7 A D
And there's a big sign, and a chain across the dump
B7 E7
Saying "Closed on Thanksgiving"
A
And we had never heard of a dump
Bm7 A D
Closed on Thanksgiving before
D7
And with tears in our eyes
G
We drove off into the sunset
E7 D
Looking for another place to put the garbage
B7
We didn't find one
E7 A D A Bm7 A D
'Til we came to a side road
B7
And off the side of the side road
E7 A
Was another fifteenfoot cliff
D A Bm7 A D
And at the bottom of the cliff was another pile of garbage
B7 E7 A
And we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles
Bm7 A D D7
And rather than bring that one up we decided to throw ours down
G
That's what we did and
E7
Drove back to the church
D B7
Had a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat
E7 A D A
Went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning
Bm7 A D B7 E7 A
When we got a phone call from officer Obie
[Verse 5]
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D A Bm7 A
He said "Kid
D B7
We found your name on an envelope
E7 A Bm7 A
At the bottom of a half a ton of garbage and
D D7
Just wanted to know if you had any information about it"
G
And I said "Yes sir, Officer Obie
E7
I cannot tell a lie
D B7 E7 A
I put that envelope under that garbage"
D A Bm7 A D B7 E7
After speaking to Obie for about fourty five minutes on the telephone
A D A Bm7 A
We finally arrived at the truth of the matter, and said
D B7
That we had to go down and pick up the garbage and
E7 A Bm7
Also had to go down and speak to him at the
A D
Police officer's station
D7 G
So we got in the red VW microbus
E7
With the shovels and rakes, and implements of destruction
D B7
And headed on toward the police officer's station
Now friends
[Verse 6]
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E7 A D A Bm7 A D
There was only one or two things that Obie coulda done
At the police station
B7 E7
And the first was that he coulda give us a medal
A D A Bm7 A
For being so brave and honest on the telephone
D B7
Which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it
E7 A Bm7
And the other thing was that he coulda bawled us out
A D D7
And told us never to be seen driving garbage around the vicinity again
G E7
Which is what we expected
D
But when we got to the police officer's station
B7 E7 A D A
There was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon
Bm7 A D
And we was both immediately arrested
B7
Handcuffed
E7 A D
And I said "Obie I don't think
A Bm7 A D
I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on"
B7 E7
He said "Shut up kid
A Bm7 A D
Get in the back of the patrol car"
[Verse 7]
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And that's what we did
D7
Sat in the back of the patrol car
G E7
And drove to the quote, scene of the crime, unquote
D B7 E7
I wanna tell you about the town of Stockbridge, Massachusetts
A
Where this happened here
D A Bm7 A
They got three stop signs
D B7
Two police officers and one police car
E7 A
But when we got to the scene of the crime
D A Bm7 A D
There was five police officers and three police cars
B7 E7 A
Being the biggest crime of the last fifty years
Bm7 A D D7
And everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it
G E7
And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment
D B7
That they had hanging around the police officer's station
E7 A D A Bm7
They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints Dog
A
smellin' prints
D B7 E7 A
And they took twenty seven eightbyten color glossy photographs
D A Bm7 A D
With circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one
B7 E7 A Bm7 A
Explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us
D D7
Took pictures of the approach, the getaway
G
The northwest corner, the southwest corner
E7 D
And that's not to mention the aerial photography
B7 | E7 | A
[Verse 8]
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D A Bm7 A D
After the ordeal we went back to the jail
B7
Obie said he was going to put us in the cell
E7 A D A
Said "Kid I'm going to put you in the cell
Bm7 A D
I want your wallet and your belt"
B7
And I said "Obie
E7
I can understand you wanting my wallet
A Bm7 A D
So I don't have any money to spend in the cell
D7
But what do you want my belt for?"
G E7
And he said "Kid, we don't want any hangings"
D B7 E7 A
I said "Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?"
D A Bm7 A D B7
Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was
E7
'Cause he took out the toilet seat
A D A Bm7 A
So I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown
D B7
And he took out the toilet paper
E7
So I couldn't bend the bars, roll out
A Bm7 A D
The roll the toilet paper out the window
D7
Slide down the roll and have an escape
G
Obie was making sure
E7 D
And it was about four or five hours later that Alice
B7 E7 A
Remember Alice? It's a song about Alice
D A Bm7 A D B7
Alice came by, and with a few nasty words
E7 A
To Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail
D A Bm7 A
And we went back to the church
D B7
Had another Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat
E7
And didn't get up until the next morning
A Bm7 A D
When we all had to go to court
[Verse 9]
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D7 G
We walked in, sat down
Obie came in
E7 D
With the twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures
B7
With the circles and arrows
E7 A
And a paragraph on the back of each one
D A Bm7 A
Sat down
D B7
Man came in, said, "All rise"
E7 A
We all stood up
D
And Obie stood up
A Bm7 A D B7
With the twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures
And the judge walked in
E7 A
Sat down with a seeing eye dog
Bm7 A D D7
And he sat down, we sat down
G
Obie looked at the seeing eye dog
E7 D B7 E7
And then at the twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures
A
With the circles and arrows
D A Bm7 A D
And a paragraph on the back of each one
B7
And looked at the seeing eye dog
E7 A D A Bm7 A D B7
And then at twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures
With the circles and arrows
E7 A Bm7 A
And a paragraph on the back of each one, and began to cry
D D7
'Cause Obie came to the realization
G E7
That it was a typical case of American blind justice
D
And there wasn't nothing he could do about it
B7
And the judge wasn't going to look at
E7 A D A Bm7 A
The twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures
D
With the circles and arrows
B7 E7
And a paragraph on the back of each one
A
Explaining what each one was
D A Bm7 A D
To be used as evidence against us
B7 E7
And we was fined fifty dollars
A Bm7 A
And had to pick up the garbage in the snow
D D7 G
But, that's not what I came to tell you about
E7 D B7
Came to talk about the draft
E7 | A | D | A | Bm7 | A
[Verse 10]
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D B7
They got a buildin' down New York City
It's called Whitehall Street
E7 A
Where you walk in
D A Bm7 A D B7
You get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected, and selected
E7 A Bm7 A D D7 G
I went down to get my physical examination one day
E7
And I walked, in I sat down
D B7
Got good and drunk the night before
E7
So I looked and felt my best
A D A Bm7
When I went in that mornin'
A D B7
'Cause I wanted to look like the allAmerican kid
From New York City
E7 A D A Bm7
Man, I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all
A D B7
I wanted to be the allAmerican kid from New York
E7
And I walked in, sat down
A Bm7 A D
I was hung down, brung down, hung up
D7
And all kindsa mean, nasty, ugly things
G E7
And I walked in and sat down
And they gave me a piece of paper
[Verse 11]
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D B7 E7
Said, "Kid see the psychiatrist, room 604"
A D A Bm7 A D
And, and I went up there, I said "Shrink
B7
I wanna kill
E7 A D A Bm7 A D
I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill
B7
Kill
E7
I wanna, I wanna see
A Bm7 A D
I wanna see blood and gore and guts, and veins in my teeth
D7 G
Eat dead, burnt bodies
E7
I mean kill
D B7 E7 A
Kill, kill, kill!"
D A Bm7 A D B7
And I started jumpin' up and down yelling, "Kill, kill!"
E7 A
And he started jumpin' up and down with me
D A Bm7 A
And we was both jumpin' up and down
D B7
Yelling, "Kill, kill!"
E7 A
And the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me
Bm7 A D
Sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy"
D7 G
Didn't feel too good about it
[Verse 12]
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E7 D
Proceeded on down the hall
B7 E7 A
Getting' more injections, inspections, detections, neglections
D A Bm7 A D
And all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me
B7
At the thing there
E7 A D A Bm7 A
And I was there for two hours, three hours, four hours
D B7
I was there for a long time
E7
Going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly things
A Bm7 A D
And I was just having a tough time there
D7 G E7
And they was inspecting, injecting every single part of me
D
And they was leaving no part untouched
B7 E7 A
Proceeded through and I
D A Bm7 A D
When I finally came to the see the very last man
B7
I walked in
E7
Walked in, sat down after a whole big thing there
And I walked up, and said "What do you want?"
[Verse 13]
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He said "Kid we only got one question
Have you ever been arrested?"
A Bm7 A D B7
And I proceeded to tell him the story of
E7 A
Alice's Restaurant Massacre
D A Bm7 A D
With full orchestration and fivepart harmony
B7
And stuff like that and all the phenome...
E7
"Stop it right there"
And said "Kid, did you ever go to court?"
A Bm7 A D B7
And I proceeded to tell him the story of
E7 A D
The twenty seven eightbyten color glossy pictures
A Bm7 A
With the circles and arrows
D B7
And a paragraph on the back of each one
E7
And, "Stop it right there", and said "Kid
I want you to go over and sit down on that bench
That says 'Group W'
Now kid!"
A | Bm7 | A | D | B7
[Verse 14]
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E7 A D A Bm7
And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there
A D
And there is, there is Group W's where they
B7
Where they put you
E7
If you may not be moral enough to
To join the army
A Bm7 A
After committing your special crime, and
D D7
There was all kinds of mean nasty, ugly lookin' people
On the bench there
G
Mother rapers
E7
Father stabbers
D
Father rapers!
B7
Father rapers
E7 A
Sittin' right there on the bench next to me!
D A Bm7 A
And, one They was
D B7
mean and nasty and ugly and horrible
E7 A
Crimetype guys just sitting there on the bench
D A Bm7 A D
And the meanest ugliest nastiest one
B7
The meanest father raper of them all
E7
Was coming over to me
A Bm7 A D
And he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible
And all kind of things
D7 G
And he sat down next to me and said
E7 D
"Kid, whad'ya get?"
B7 E7
I said, "I didn't get nothing
A D A Bm7 A D
I had to pay fifty dollars, and pick up the garbage"
B7 E7
He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
A D A Bm7 A
And I said, "Litterin'"
D B7 E7
And they all moved away from me on the bench there
A Bm7 A D
And the hairy eyeball, and all kinds of mean nasty things
D7
'Til I said, "And creatin' a nuisance"
G E7
And they all came back, shook my hand
D
And we had a great time on the bench
B7 E7
Talkin' about crime, mother stabbing, father raping
A D A Bm7 A
All kinds of groovy things that we was talking about
D
On the bench
[Verse 15]
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B7
And everything was fine
E7 A
We was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things
D A Bm7 A
Until the sergeant came over
D B7 E7
Had some paper in his hand
A Bm7 A
Held it up and said "Kids
D
Thispieceofpaper'sgot fourty seven wordsthirty seven sentences
Fifty eightwordswewannaknowdetailsofthecrime
Timeofthecrimeandanyotherkindofthing
Yougottasaypertainingtoandaboutthecrime
Iwanttoknowarrestingofficer'snameand
A Bm7
Anyotherkindofthingyougottasay"
A D
And he talked for fourty five minutes
B7 E7 A
And nobody understood a word that he said But
D A Bm7 A
we had fun filling out the forms
D B7
And playing with the pencils on the bench there
E7
And I filled out the massacre
A Bm7 A D
With the fourpart harmony
D7
And wrote it down there just like it was
G
And everything was fine
E7
And I put down the pencil
D B7
And I turned over the piece of paper
E7
And, and there
A Bm7 A D D7
There on the other side
G E7
In the middle of the other side
D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A
Away from everything else on the other side
D B7 E7 A
In parentheses
D A Bm7 A D
Capital letters
B7 E7
Quotated
A Bm7 A D
Read the following words
D7 G E7 D B7
"Kid, have you rehabilitated yourself?"
[Verse 16]
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E7 A D A
I went over to the sergeant, and said
Bm7 A D
"Sergeant, you got a lot a damn gall
B7 E7 A
To ask me if I've rehabilitated myself I mean
D A Bm7 A
I mean
D B7 E7
I mean, I'm just, I'm sitting here on the bench
A Bm7 A D
I mean, I'm sitting here on the Group W bench
D7 G E7
'Cause you wanna know if I'm moral enough
D B7
To join the army, burn women, kids, houses and villages
E7 A
After being a litterbug
D A Bm7 A D B7
He looked at me, and said, "Kid
E7 A D A Bm7 A
We don't like your kind
D B7
And we're gonna send you fingerprints off to Washington"
E7 A Bm7 A D
And friends, somewhere in Washington
D7
Enshrined in some little folder
G E7 D
Is a study in black and white of my fingerprints
[Verse 17]
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B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A
And the only reason I'm singing you this song now Is 'cause you may know
D B7
somebody in a similar situation
E7 A D A Bm7 A D
Or you may be in a similar situation
B7
And if you're in a situation like that
E7
There's only one thing you can do
A Bm7 A D
Is walk in to the shrink wherever you are
D7 G
Just walk in, say "Shrink
E7 D B7 E7 A D A Bm7
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant" And walk out
A
D B7 E7 A
You know if one person, just one person does it
D A Bm7 A D
They may think he's really sick and they won't take him
B7 E7 A Bm7 A D
And if two people, two people do it In harmony
D7 G
They may think they're both faggots
E7
And they won't take either of them
D B7 E7 A
And if three people do it
D A Bm7 A D B7
Three, can you imagine three people walking in?
E7 A D A Bm7
Singin' a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out
A D
They may think it's an organization
B7 E7 A Bm7 A
And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day
D
I said fifty people a day
D7 G E7
Walking in, singin' a bar of Alice's Restaurant, and walking out
D
And friends, they may think it's a movement
B7
And that's what it is
E7 A D A Bm7 A D
The Alice's Restaurant AntiMassacre Movement
B7
And all you got to do to join
E7 A D A Bm7 A
Is to sing it the next time it comes around on the guitar
D B7
With feelin'
E7 A Bm7 A D
So, we'll wait 'til it comes around on the guitar here
D7
And sing it when it does
G | E7 | D
[Verse 18]
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B7
Here it comes
E7 | A | D | A | Bm7 | A
D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
D B7 E7 A Bm7 A
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
D D7
Walk right in, it's around the back
G E7
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
D B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A
And you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
[Verse 19]
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D
That was horrible
B7 E7 A D A Bm7 A D
If you want to end war and stuff you gotta sing loud
B7 E7
I could put a lot...
A Bm7 A D
I been singing this song now for twenty five minutes
D7 G
I could sing it for another twenty five minutes
E7 D
I'm not proud
B7 E7 A
Or tired
D A Bm7 A D
So we'll wait 'til it comes around again and
B7 E7 A
This time with fourpart harmony and feelin'
D | A | Bm7 | A | D
B7 E7
We're just waitin' for it to come around
Is what we're doing
A | Bm7 | A | D | D7 | G
E7 | D
[Verse 20]
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B7 E7 A
All right now
D A Bm7 A D B7 E7 A D
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
A Bm7 A
Excepting Alice
D B7 E7 A Bm7
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
A D D7
I said walk right in it's around the back
G E7
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
D B7 E7 A D
And you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
[Outro]
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A Bm7 A E7
Da da da da da da da dum
A Bm7 A D A D
At Alice's Restaurant